Parents Guilty Secret (Sreedevi Krishnan)
Published on 28 May, 2020
While slipping through the Malayalam T V Channels to divert my attention from covid19 news, I chanced upon a discussion of the death of 25 year old Uthra ,a mother of an Year old son ,by her husband Sooraj putting a very poisonous snake on her resulting in her agonizing death .
The panel consists of a Psychiatrist, criminal lawyer , Vava Suresh ,an expert on Snakes ,woman’s rights commission member and of course Vijaya Senan, father of Uthra.
During the discussion, it was revealed that Uthra’s father gave 100 sovereigns’ worth jewelry, an expensive car, a huge amount o
furnished – house and three acres of Rubber estate ,when the marriage was arranged .According to Uthra’s father, Sooraj and his parents were informed of the ‘ slight problem of Uthra being ‘slow’ ,much slower than her age group .But Sooraj accepted his bride whole- heartedly ,with the approval of his parents.
Now, when Uthra died of snake- bite in her own house in an air-conditioned bedroom which was shared by Sooraj that night,her parents could not help suspecting Sooraj’s involvement .
Vijaysenan says his wife had a nagging suspicion about the first time snake bit Uthra, a couple of months ago in Sooraj’s house ,because of the delay in admitting her in the hospital and also the contradictory statements of Soorj’s mother about the time and place of snake- bite .After very expensive treatment and plastic surgery , Uthra was brought to her house .And one day ,when Sooraj came to visit his convalescing wife,he brought a snake and made it bite twice Uthra, resulting in her agonizing death .
No doubt , the discussion threw light on the motive of Sooraj to eliminate his unwanted wife to access her entire wealth, as it will be inherited by their son,after her death.
When the discussion was on , the wedding scenes and the picture of a garlanded couple ,where a jewelry - covered , red dazzling zari Sari- clad ,short but radiantly happy- looking bride looks upon the tall groom with a brilliant sparkling smile, were conspicuously flashing by …..
Various members clearly brought out the horrifying details of Sooraj’s association with snake- catchers ,his training in handling the snakes , the planning and execution of to this most bizarre crime ,Sooraj and his family’s physical and mental torture of the poor girl and the most
pitiable position of parents who, lamented about ‘ buying’ Kalan’ ( the Lord of death) for their loving daughter .
No doubt ,the most novel and unheard way of killing by snake- bite will attract the attention and may even lead to ‘copy-cat’ murders in future. But,to my shock, none of the members, not even the lady member condemn the most disgraceful practice of making marriage a pure business deal and the parents of the girl literally buying the groom .
Why do we accept this most barbaric practice of Dowry ? How do we justify the only goal of the girl is marriage and her life’s mission is to be a dutiful wife ,a mother that too ,preferably of male children
In India ,daughters are still considered to be a great burden, millstones around the parents neck to be rid off by paying Dowry . The concept of arranged marriages and Dowry is so deeply embedded in the Indian psyche that even the most educated upper-middle class compete with each other in wedding extravaganzas and vulgar display of wealth.
Have n’t you seen the advertisements of mother applying vigorously ‘ fairness cream’ to her dark- complexioned daughter before ‘ bride- viewing’ by the groom & party ? Similarly advertisements advise us to save for Son’s education and daughter’s wedding . Why do we tolerate the ad of a wife cheerfully grinning after washing her husband’s undergarment with a certain soap?
This is be because Indian Society believes in a woman’s traditional role. .Education. Employment, good looks ,no doubt, give some ‘ concessions’ in Dowry giving and taking . The girls are so brain-washed to believe in this primitive concept of patriarchy where they have no role in making decisions on their own life .
Even in the so called love marriage of my friend’s daughter , the parents were forced to meet all wedding expenditure ,jewelry and gifts for the spineless groom’ who, insisted on agreeing to his parents’ demands . And if you think that it’s in some rural India, you are wrong ,both the couple are Engineers in the US now.
After marriage the harassment and humiliating insults and experiences in her husband’s house are stoically accepted by wife, for inadequate dowry, inability to meet the ever- increasing demands and even the failure to produce a male baby!! When the ill treatment reaches its climax ,the helpless girl turn towards her parents .Then, believe it or not ,the parents turn a deaf ear to her cries of help which results in suicides , stove bursts,wife burning etc . Then of course the blame- game starts , media reports and screaming headlines on dowry deaths will be followed for a couple of days and after that, all is forgotten, life moves on as usual .
Of course Dowry prohibition Law was passed as early as 1961 which Jawaharlal Nehru described as an. ‘Enactment intended to give a social push to the eradication of Dowry.’ .Here the law defined Dowry as an act of giving cash or property in consideration of marriage. Finding the possibility of pleading in the court that the cash or gifts are not given in consideration of marriage, the Indian Parliament subsequently introduced a 3 tier system by which Dowry is defined as cash & gifts given or agreed to be given on,before,or after the marriage
Punishment also was made more stringent. Further,the burden of proving the innocence of the accused was transposed to the accused.
In addition ,with the introduction of section 304 B in the Indian Penal code, ,a new offense called ‘Dowry death’ was created.So also ‘ ‘abetment to commit suicide’. IPC section306 strengthened by a new provision in the Indian Evidence Act section 113 A ,directs the court to presume in a case where the wife commits suicide within 7 years’ of her marriage,such suicide is abetted by her husband or his relatives.IPC clearly defines ‘Cruelty’as any sort of harassment with the demand of Dowry.
Thus,our legal system gives enough protection against this barbaric Dowry system.But remember law can only punish the guilty ,very often the accused get away scot- free. Law certainly can not change our attitude towards women as financial burden on her parents. The change should come from within.
, Girls should refuse to get married to a man who demands dowry in any form . A change of heart on the part of girl’s parents, especially mothers who insist and groom her to the traditional role of wife,mother ,daughter in law. Instead focus on her education ,talents and skills to earn a living .
In most of the cases of Dowry deaths and suicides ,the Parents ignore the red signals from their daughters and force them to ‘stay married’ for the sake of society .And when the tragedy strikes,the parents live with their secret guilt hanging heavily on their conscience .As the eminent former Judge of the Supreme Court,K. T Thomas rightly points out in the Seminar of National Commission for women and Bar council of India ,” Let the women’s organizations deliberate upon the real causes and see that every girl child is emancipated from the parental concern that she is a financial burden”
If that much needed transformation happens in the Indian Society ,as the William Wordsworth referring to French Revolution said,
’Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive ,but to be young was very Heaven “
The panel consists of a Psychiatrist, criminal lawyer , Vava Suresh ,an expert on Snakes ,woman’s rights commission member and of course Vijaya Senan, father of Uthra.
During the discussion, it was revealed that Uthra’s father gave 100 sovereigns’ worth jewelry, an expensive car, a huge amount o
furnished – house and three acres of Rubber estate ,when the marriage was arranged .According to Uthra’s father, Sooraj and his parents were informed of the ‘ slight problem of Uthra being ‘slow’ ,much slower than her age group .But Sooraj accepted his bride whole- heartedly ,with the approval of his parents.
Now, when Uthra died of snake- bite in her own house in an air-conditioned bedroom which was shared by Sooraj that night,her parents could not help suspecting Sooraj’s involvement .
Vijaysenan says his wife had a nagging suspicion about the first time snake bit Uthra, a couple of months ago in Sooraj’s house ,because of the delay in admitting her in the hospital and also the contradictory statements of Soorj’s mother about the time and place of snake- bite .After very expensive treatment and plastic surgery , Uthra was brought to her house .And one day ,when Sooraj came to visit his convalescing wife,he brought a snake and made it bite twice Uthra, resulting in her agonizing death .
No doubt , the discussion threw light on the motive of Sooraj to eliminate his unwanted wife to access her entire wealth, as it will be inherited by their son,after her death.
When the discussion was on , the wedding scenes and the picture of a garlanded couple ,where a jewelry - covered , red dazzling zari Sari- clad ,short but radiantly happy- looking bride looks upon the tall groom with a brilliant sparkling smile, were conspicuously flashing by …..
Various members clearly brought out the horrifying details of Sooraj’s association with snake- catchers ,his training in handling the snakes , the planning and execution of to this most bizarre crime ,Sooraj and his family’s physical and mental torture of the poor girl and the most
pitiable position of parents who, lamented about ‘ buying’ Kalan’ ( the Lord of death) for their loving daughter .
No doubt ,the most novel and unheard way of killing by snake- bite will attract the attention and may even lead to ‘copy-cat’ murders in future. But,to my shock, none of the members, not even the lady member condemn the most disgraceful practice of making marriage a pure business deal and the parents of the girl literally buying the groom .
Why do we accept this most barbaric practice of Dowry ? How do we justify the only goal of the girl is marriage and her life’s mission is to be a dutiful wife ,a mother that too ,preferably of male children
In India ,daughters are still considered to be a great burden, millstones around the parents neck to be rid off by paying Dowry . The concept of arranged marriages and Dowry is so deeply embedded in the Indian psyche that even the most educated upper-middle class compete with each other in wedding extravaganzas and vulgar display of wealth.
Have n’t you seen the advertisements of mother applying vigorously ‘ fairness cream’ to her dark- complexioned daughter before ‘ bride- viewing’ by the groom & party ? Similarly advertisements advise us to save for Son’s education and daughter’s wedding . Why do we tolerate the ad of a wife cheerfully grinning after washing her husband’s undergarment with a certain soap?
This is be because Indian Society believes in a woman’s traditional role. .Education. Employment, good looks ,no doubt, give some ‘ concessions’ in Dowry giving and taking . The girls are so brain-washed to believe in this primitive concept of patriarchy where they have no role in making decisions on their own life .
Even in the so called love marriage of my friend’s daughter , the parents were forced to meet all wedding expenditure ,jewelry and gifts for the spineless groom’ who, insisted on agreeing to his parents’ demands . And if you think that it’s in some rural India, you are wrong ,both the couple are Engineers in the US now.
After marriage the harassment and humiliating insults and experiences in her husband’s house are stoically accepted by wife, for inadequate dowry, inability to meet the ever- increasing demands and even the failure to produce a male baby!! When the ill treatment reaches its climax ,the helpless girl turn towards her parents .Then, believe it or not ,the parents turn a deaf ear to her cries of help which results in suicides , stove bursts,wife burning etc . Then of course the blame- game starts , media reports and screaming headlines on dowry deaths will be followed for a couple of days and after that, all is forgotten, life moves on as usual .
Of course Dowry prohibition Law was passed as early as 1961 which Jawaharlal Nehru described as an. ‘Enactment intended to give a social push to the eradication of Dowry.’ .Here the law defined Dowry as an act of giving cash or property in consideration of marriage. Finding the possibility of pleading in the court that the cash or gifts are not given in consideration of marriage, the Indian Parliament subsequently introduced a 3 tier system by which Dowry is defined as cash & gifts given or agreed to be given on,before,or after the marriage
Punishment also was made more stringent. Further,the burden of proving the innocence of the accused was transposed to the accused.
In addition ,with the introduction of section 304 B in the Indian Penal code, ,a new offense called ‘Dowry death’ was created.So also ‘ ‘abetment to commit suicide’. IPC section306 strengthened by a new provision in the Indian Evidence Act section 113 A ,directs the court to presume in a case where the wife commits suicide within 7 years’ of her marriage,such suicide is abetted by her husband or his relatives.IPC clearly defines ‘Cruelty’as any sort of harassment with the demand of Dowry.
Thus,our legal system gives enough protection against this barbaric Dowry system.But remember law can only punish the guilty ,very often the accused get away scot- free. Law certainly can not change our attitude towards women as financial burden on her parents. The change should come from within.
, Girls should refuse to get married to a man who demands dowry in any form . A change of heart on the part of girl’s parents, especially mothers who insist and groom her to the traditional role of wife,mother ,daughter in law. Instead focus on her education ,talents and skills to earn a living .
In most of the cases of Dowry deaths and suicides ,the Parents ignore the red signals from their daughters and force them to ‘stay married’ for the sake of society .And when the tragedy strikes,the parents live with their secret guilt hanging heavily on their conscience .As the eminent former Judge of the Supreme Court,K. T Thomas rightly points out in the Seminar of National Commission for women and Bar council of India ,” Let the women’s organizations deliberate upon the real causes and see that every girl child is emancipated from the parental concern that she is a financial burden”
If that much needed transformation happens in the Indian Society ,as the William Wordsworth referring to French Revolution said,
’Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive ,but to be young was very Heaven “
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Comments
Sudhir Panikkaveetil 2020-05-29 23:20:57
മലയാളികളും ഇംഗളീഷ് ലേഖനം വായിയ്ക്കുന്നത്
കൊണ്ട് അഭി പ്രായം മലയാളത്തിൽ എഴുതുന്നു.
പുരുഷനും സ്ത്രീയ്ക്കും ശാരീരികമായി ബന്ധപ്പെടാൻ
സമൂഹം കൊടുക്കുന്ന അനുമതിയായി ഭാരതത്തിലെ
വിവാഹങ്ങളെ വ്യാഖാനിക്കാം. ഹിന്ദുക്കൾ
അവരുടെ വിവാഹത്തെ ദിവ്യകർമമായി
പരിഗണിക്കുന്നുണ്ടെങ്കിലും ഹിന്ദു ധർമ്മ ശാസ്ത്ര
മനുസരിച്ച് പെൺകുട്ടികളെ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ച്യക്കുന്നതിനെ
"കന്യാദാൻ "എന്നാണു പറയുന്നത്.ദാനത്തോടൊപ്പം
വരനു ദക്ഷിണയും കൊടുക്കുന്നു. അത് കന്യകയുടെ
പിതാവ് സന്തോഷത്തോടെ നൽകുന്ന സമ്മാനമാണ്.
പെൺകുട്ടികളെ "പരായ ധൻ" മറ്റൊരാളുടെ ധനം
എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞിരുന്നു.
കാലക്രമേണ ഇത് സ്ത്രീധനമെന്ന പിശാചായി
അവതരിച്ചു. യൗവന യുക്തയായ സ്ത്രീ വിവാഹിതയാകാതെ
പിതൃഗൃഹത്തിൽ കഴിയരുതെന്ന ആചാരവുമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു.
ഭാര്യയെ അർധാംഗിനി (പകുതി പുരുഷൻ) എന്ന്
വിളിച്ചിരുന്നു. ഭാര്യാഭർത്താക്കന്മാരുടെ
പരസ്പര വിശ്വാസമാണ് ഏറ്റവും വലിയ ധർമം എന്ന്
മനു അനുശാസിക്കുന്നു. ഭാരതത്തിലെ
നാരികൾ ഭർത്താക്കന്മാരെ ഈശ്വരനായി കണ്ട് (പതി പരമേശ്വർ )
അവരെ പൂജിച്ചിരുന്ന. ഇപ്പോഴും അവരുടെ പ്രേതങ്ങൾ
അത് അനുഷ്ടിക്കുന്നുണ്ട്. ചില ദൈവങ്ങൾ പിശാചായി മാറുന്നു.
സ്ത്രീധനത്തിന്റെ പേരിൽ നടക്കുന്ന അക്രമങ്ങൾ എത്രയോ കാലമായി
നടക്കുന്നു. ഇതിനൊക്കെ അവസാനമുണ്ടാകണെമങ്കിൽ
സ്ത്രീകൾ തന്നെ വിചാരിക്കണം. ഇപ്പോൾ
ചെറുക്കനെ കിട്ടാൻ വേണ്ടി പിതാക്കൾ സ്ത്രീധന
തുക കൂട്ടി പെൺകുട്ടികളെ ലേലം വിളിക്കുന്നു.
കുറച്ച് പേര് സുഖമായി ജീവിക്കും. അവർ മറ്റുള്ളവരുടെ
ദുഃഖം കണ്ട് വിഷമിക്കും, എഴുതും. അടുത്ത
ഇരക്കായി ആരോ വല വിരിക്കുന്നു. ശ്രീദേവി
മാഡത്തിന്റെ ലേഖനം നന്നായിരുന്നു. ആരെങ്കിലും വായിക്കുകയും ഈ ദുരാചാരം അവസാനിപ്പിക്കാൻ എന്തെങ്കിലും ചെയ്യുമെന്നും
പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കാം.
Sringara Nicklas 2020-06-07 07:36:50
There are plenty of snakes in the grass, but the biggest and the most venomous one is called "dowry". The snake charmers are the bride's people and the cobra's deadly fangs are the bridegroom's people. Why then do people insist on charming the snake?Because Indian society plays the magudi (the wind instrument used by snake charmers).
In this pathetic and tragic case, Uthra's parents bent backwards and twisted themselves into a pretzel to handover their daughter to a murderer and sociopath. They might even have considered themselves lucky to have found such a benevolent and large hearted person to have accepted a "slow minded" girl.
When are we going to wake up and smell the roses if we ever do? Why is marriage considered the "end all" and "be all" of a woman 's life? Why is a single woman still stigmatized by society? Are we still living in an antediluvian era? Looks like it from this gruesome story. Unless parents refuse to put up with the outrageous dictates of society and give their daughters viable and strong options, I fear we will have have many more Uttras!
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